


you sit and try sometimes but you just can’t figure out what went wrong

by talesofbohemia



Series: there's this tune i found that makes me think of you somehow [1]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Canon Compliant, F/M, Post Season 2
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-01
Updated: 2015-03-01
Packaged: 2018-03-15 19:06:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,153
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3458453
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/talesofbohemia/pseuds/talesofbohemia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He rounds the curve in the path, and his bench comes into view. But despite the fact that it’s, he would guess, about one thirty in the morning, his bench is occupied.</p><p>“Lydia?”</p><p>-</p><p>Or, Stiles and Lydia run into each other over the summer after season 2.</p>
            </blockquote>





	you sit and try sometimes but you just can’t figure out what went wrong

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by the song Mad Sounds by Arctic Monkeys, which I would suggest listening to while reading this. Enjoy!

Stiles has taken to walking the streets alone at night.

 

It’s probably a demonstration of his idiocy considering he is one of the select few in Beacon Hills actually aware of the danger that’s hidden out in the dark. His best friend is a fucking creature of the night with what seems like too many enemies considering his turn only happened a few months ago. And yet, here’s Stiles – defenseless, weak, human Stiles – walking alone at the edge of town with literally nothing except his cell phone which happens to be close to dead.

 

Real smart, Stiles.

 

Sometimes he pretends that if he just gets away from it for a bit, from Scott and Derek and Deaton and everyone, then it’s not actually real. He conveniently ignores the part about the monsters that could very well be lurking in the reserve less than fifty yards from him.

 

He just wants things to be different after this summer. After the spring, after Jackson turning into that freaky lizard thing, Stiles wants to go back to school, and back to facing the supernatural, feeling like he has at least a sliver of control over what happens to him.

 

It had been fun at the beginning. Scott was a werewolf. That was just about as close to Stiles’s dream for his life to become like an action movie as he was ever going to get. It was exciting, unlike anything had ever been in this sleepy town. Stiles had stopped really believing in magic and movie-worthy awesomeness after his mom had passed. The opportunity to be Batman, or even Robin, was nothing short of thrilling.

 

That had been the first few months though. After Jackson’s turn, everything had really gone to shit. It wasn’t exciting anymore. It was terrifying. Yeah, Stiles doesn’t have any superpowers like Scott, but he had never felt like he was completely useless. Until then. Not having control over his own body and being forced to just watch everything happen around him… well, Stiles hopes he’ll never have to experience anything like that again.

 

So while Scott spends the summer bringing up his grades and maybe moving on a bit from Allison, Stiles is going to make himself better too. He’s going to make himself more powerful.

 

He’s already gone to the gym a bit. He’s tried running too, but he absolutely hates it, so lifting weights it is. Weights and these walks. He wonders if some part of him thinks that if he’s able to walk around town in the dead of night without being scared, he just won’t get scared anymore. Logically, this seems ridiculous. Possibly putting himself in harm’s way just to prove that he can handle it is obviously pretty twisted. But somehow, each night when he gets home at three in the morning, he goes to bed feeling like he accomplished something. So these walks must not be all bad.

 

Stiles hasn’t noticed how far he’s gotten on his roundabout route until he realizes he’s already reached the park that sits at the edge of the reserve. When he tries to check his phone to see if it’s as late as usual, he finds it dead. Dad’s not going to be happy about not getting an update, but he’s grudgingly gotten used to Stiles’s late nights out, and since Stiles usually comes home around the same time each night, it won’t really be a big deal.

 

Stiles walks into the park and goes to find his usual bench. He does this too. Every night when he passes the park, he sits on the bench for who knows how long. It’s another test, see. Can he still be brave just sitting still in the open like that? He’s gotten better at staying for longer periods of time.

 

He rounds the curve in the path, and his bench comes into view. But despite the fact that it’s, he would guess, about one thirty in the morning, his bench is occupied.

 

“Lydia?”

 

She doesn’t look up as he expects her to. In fact, she doesn’t give any indication that she’d heard him at all. Stiles moves closer, ducking a bit to get slightly closer to her eye level. She’s staring out into the trees in front of her, but her stare is blank, almost haunted.

 

“Lydia?”

 

She jumps this time.

 

“Stilinski it is two in the morning-” he was close - “do you actually think I appreciate being snuck up on alone in the park, especially after the information you and your friends have decided to clue me into recently?”

 

“I would think that with that information, someone as smart as you would know better than to be out in the park alone at two in the morning.”

 

“You do realize that the exact same can be said for you, don’t you?”

 

“While I appreciate your confidence in my intelligence, I don’t believe that we’ve ever established that I don’t make stupid decisions.”

 

She stares at him for a moment before allowing a quiet laugh to bubble out of her. Stiles takes that as a welcoming sign and moves to sit down next to her.

 

“So, might I ask what it is you are doing out here so late, sitting on my bench?”

 

“And what exactly makes it your bench?”

 

“The fact that I’ve been coming to sit here for a few hours every night since the beginning of summer vacation.”

 

This catches her attention. She cocks her head and gives him an appraising look. “Why do you do that?”

 

Stiles sighs and looks down, shaking his head. “Stupid reasons.”

 

When he looks back up, Lydia is still watching him, but she chooses not to press him for answers.

 

“I don’t know why I’m here,” she says quietly, answering his original question. “I couldn’t sleep, and next thing I know, I’m here sitting on this bench.”

 

“You don’t remember coming out here?” he turns to her, frowning.

 

Lydia hesitates, glancing sideways at him almost nervously, and then the words come tumbling out. “It’s not that I don’t remember it, exactly. It’s like – like I meant to leave, like I meant to go somewhere, and I remember going, but… I just ended up here.”

 

She slowly turns back to him, and there’s something like fear in her eyes. It makes him think about the other times she’s looked at him like that, like at the dance and again when she came to his house. It’s always been that Stiles said something that forced her guard down for a moment, never like this. Never her opening up to him first, and Stiles struggles to find something to say to help reassure her. He has a feeling this wandering has a deeper meaning, but Lydia’s so new to the supernatural, it would probably be a bad idea to make this into a big deal. At least for now.

 

“Well, you were probably just distracted, right? You could have been just going for a walk, not paying attention where you were headed, right? It doesn’t have to – doesn’t have to mean – I mean, were you thinking about something?”

 

She looks grateful, like she knows it’s more than he says. But she’s not ready to face it, and now he’s given her a way out. “Yes, yes I was. It was just - umm…” She frowns and looks at her lap. “Just Jackson.”

 

“Oh.” He wonders if it ever won’t be about Jackson. Stiles clears his throat. “Uhh yeah, I heard he might be moving… Are, uh, are you okay?”

 

Lydia straightens up. “Of course I am. Why wouldn’t I be? We haven’t been together for months, and for the short time we were, our relationship was extremely unhealthy. It’s good that I’m rid of him, really.”

 

It’s such bullshit considering everything that happened to them in the spring. Like he literally can’t believe that just came out of her mouth. But still, she looks toward Stiles, her face hard. She’s waiting for him to challenge her, he knows. He considers just agreeing with her, or even saying nothing, but…

 

“That is true.” She looks satisfied. “But that doesn’t mean you don’t love him.”

 

Stiles thinks she might be too stunned to look angry.

 

It’s silent for a minute or so, and he knows almost immediately that he’s overstepped his boundaries. She had opened up to him by saying how she had gotten here, but there were obviously some masks she wasn’t ready to remove. He should have known that pushing her, especially when they aren’t exactly on great terms, would end badly. Maybe he should just leave her alone. He doesn’t like the idea of leaving her here, but he could just hang out in a different area of the park to watch her leave and make sure she gets home okay, in the least stalker-ish way possible. He just doesn’t see anything good coming out of him staying here with her.

 

He screws up his mouth and nods, looking at the ground.

 

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that.” He gets up and starts to stalk up the path, calling over his shoulder, “Goodnight, Lydia.”

 

God, why did he have to fuck it up? he thinks as he goes around the bend, looking for another bench where he can stay until she leaves. If he had just stayed quiet, maybe they could have had a decent conversation. Maybe they could try being friends.

 

“Stiles, wait!” He whips around to find Lydia jogging up the path behind him.

 

She stops a few yards from him, clearly unsure what to say. He’s not sure he’s ever seen Lydia Martin looking so nervous before.

 

Stiles thinks maybe he should try to help her out. “I shouldn’t have said that.”

 

“No, you really shouldn’t have.”

 

Another pause. “Do you want to walk home with me? Your house is on my way.”

 

She looks at him for a few seconds, then nods. “Okay.”

 

He waits till she’s caught up with him before walking again, trying to shorten his strides so they match hers. He’s grown quite a bit this summer, isn’t used to having long legs.

 

They walk in silence for a while, leaving the park and heading into town.

 

Then, “You’re right, I do love him. Why do I still love him?”

 

Stiles is quite startled by this, not only because it seems her anger over the subject is enough to make her talk openly about it, which completely contrasts with the Lydia he has come to know, but also because he’s really not sure what an appropriate response is. A few run through his head: _“I don’t fucking know, he’s a manipulative asshole, really what do you see in him?”_ or _“It might be because, despite not being nearly as evil as he is, you are at least like 40% evil, Lydia,”_ or _“Seriously, not even the lizard monster thing turned you off?”_ But somehow he thinks that none of these are what Lydia wants to hear right now.

 

He settles for, “I don’t know. But maybe you don’t need a reason. Maybe you just love him.”

 

She laughs, albeit a little hollowly, but she still laughs. “Aren’t you just full of wisdom tonight.”

 

“Sorry, I, uhh, I could just listen, if that would make you feel better.”

 

But Lydia just shakes her head tiredly. “No, no, it’s okay. I guess… I guess you’re just saying things I don’t want to hear.”

 

He nods, not really sure what to say. He doesn’t want to push her again. “Well, uhh, I’m sorry that he’s leaving. Really.”

 

She’s watching him, trying to gauge how honest he’s being. He hopes she can see he’s sincere.

 

“Thank you.”

 

They walk in silence for a while, following the twists and hills of their town. And they’re away from the reserve, which Stiles thinks is for the best. Whatever pulled Lydia there… He doesn’t want to think about it.

 

They veer onto Lydia’s street, silent the whole way. Stiles has always felt like silences need to be filled, like he could be spending this time trying to get to know her more, learning more about her. But right now, this quiet makes him think that maybe getting to know someone is just as much about what they don’t say as what they do. He wishes it were a longer walk to her house, just so he could enjoy this silence more.

 

He walks her up to her door, just to make sure she gets in okay, his overprotective streak kicking in. She unlocks it silently before turning back to him, and he reminds himself to remain casual and friendly. It’s really hard when he feels like she’s x-raying him with her eyes.

 

“Well, this has been-” he starts.

 

“I’m sorry we never got to finish our dance.”

 

He flails a bit in response to this sudden topic. “Sorry, wait, what?”

 

“I’m sorry we never got to finish our dance,” she repeats calmly.

 

“Yeah, yeah, I heard you, I just – why?”

 

She sighs, appearing to steel herself a bit, before responding, “I know it was a while ago, and I know a lot of stuff has happened since then,” she starts, shifting uncomfortably, “but in light of recent developments I’ve been trying to consider things to keep me busy while I adjust to certain changes…”

 

He can see that this is really hard for her.

 

“And I’ve come to the conclusion that I want to spend more time with Allison and work on stretching my mental abilities to their full potential. I’m done hiding who I am and I want to be around people who accept me. And just now as we were walking, I realized that, despite the fact that you left me alone, and that I ended up getting hurt, and that I was looking for Jackson most of the time, I really did end up enjoying going to the Winter Formal with you, so I’m sorry we didn’t get to finish our dance.”

 

It would have seemed like a complete ramble if she hadn’t finished so primly. She’s looking up at him with a calculating expression, making it clear he should not get too worked up over this.

 

The shock on his face seems to read quiet enough, because she nods, satisfied, and turns back to her door, calling “Goodnight, Stiles,” over her shoulder.

 

It’s not until the door is almost shut that an idea strikes. “We could!”

 

Lydia peers out again, looking confused. “Excuse me?”

 

“We could finish it,” Stiles says softly. “Now.”

 

Her expression turns bemused and skeptical, but she steps back out of the house. “How?”

 

He fumbles in his pockets for a moment, finally pulling out his iPod. “I have the song right here!”

 

“The song?”

 

“The song, the song we danced to!”

 

She snorts, crossing her arms. “You’re not serious.”

 

“Yeah I am!”

 

Her eyes get a little weary again, and he realizes how weird this is.

 

“It’s… it’s a good song,” he mumbles, looking down.

 

She stays quiet, her arms still crossed, and now he feels really stupid. Why does he always make things into a bigger deal than they are? He should just put his iPod away and-

 

“Okay.”

 

His head snaps back up. “What, really?”

 

She gives him a look.

 

“Right, yeah, okay.”

 

She steps forward, motioning for him to do the same a bit impatiently. He does so, unwrapping the ear buds from around the iPod, and she reaches up and wraps her arms around his neck. The height difference is more apparent now, and she draws a bit closer, presumably to get her arms into a more comfortable position. He holds out an ear bud for her to take, but she just tilts her head to the side, allowing him to press it into her ear. Then he looks to the iPod to search for the song.

 

It won’t turn on.

 

He coughs. “Um, well…”

 

Lydia quirks an eyebrow at him.

 

He deflates. “My iPod’s dead.”

 

She stares at him blankly for a moment, before snorting. “Of course it is.”

 

He’s not sure he could come up with a way to make this more embarrassing. “I’m, uh, I’m sorry, I didn’t, uh-” he rambles out, moving to untangle himself from her.

 

Her grip tightens. “Wait.”

 

His surprise makes him forget his embarrassment as his gaze snaps back to hers. She has this expression on, and he can’t read it, but it’s softer than any look she’s thrown him so far tonight.

 

“We could just dance like this,” she murmurs.

 

He thinks she must really be lonely.

 

“O-okay,” he stutters back.

 

With that, Lydia moves closer to him once more, tucking herself into the curve of his chest as he carefully loops his arms around her waist. She secures her arms around his neck again and dips her head onto his shoulder. Stiles feels a little frozen all over, like if he moves too much she’ll run away. Still, he decides, he better enjoy this since it’s definitely never happening again.

 

He lets her set the rhythm, matching her sway after a few beats, and then they’re just rocking gently back and forth, carefully folded around each other.

 

Stiles isn’t sure how long they stay like that. All he can focus on is the way she retightens her grip every few moments, like she’s afraid of letting go. It makes his heart stutter.

 

Eventually, it comes to an end. But right before she pulls away, she turns her head, pressing it into the crook of his neck, just like she had at the dance.

 

She moves to step back and he immediately removes his arms from her waist, shoving his hands into his pockets to hide the fact that they won’t stay still.

 

He can’t think of what he’s supposed to say now. She’s just watching him, like she’s waiting for him to make it weird. Stiles really doesn’t want to do that.

 

“This was nice,” he tries.

 

“It was,” she agrees. He hears the _Thank you for the company_ part, even though she doesn’t say it out loud.

 

After another moment, she breaks their gaze, turning and moving back towards the door.

 

“Maybe we could do it again sometime!” he blurts out.

 

Lydia turns back to him with a bemused expression, but a smile is creeping at the corners of her mouth. “Just make sure your iPod is working next time.”

 

Stiles grins. “Will do. And, sorry it wasn’t tonight. But, uh, you should still listen to that song. ‘Not Just a Girl’ by She Wants Revenge? It’s a great song.”

 

She stares at him a moment longer before nodding and stepping back into the house. “Goodnight, Stiles.”

 

“Goodnight, Lydia,” he says just before the door shuts.

 

\--

 

He gets a text forty-five minutes later when he’s laying down in bed to go to sleep.

 

_You’re right. It is a really great song._

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first part in a series about Stiles and Lydia’s relationship from the end of Season 2 and beyond. It will (probably) be canon compliant through Season 4 and then divert after that. Though who knows, maybe if Season 5 comes out before I finish it I'll rework my original plan. The series takes inspiration from the Arctic Monkeys album AM, including three of the four B side songs. Any critiques or comments you have would be much appreciated!


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